


SOAP WARS

by MadamKREMsin



Category: Billie Eilish (Musician), Hamilton - Miranda, Princess Tutu, Rasputin - Fandom, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon), The Lorax (2012), The Simpsons, Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Ballet, Cleaning Kink, Daddy Kink, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Soap, Soap Opera, Spandex, gymanistics kink, literal soap, moustache kink, soap fetish, splits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-27 04:03:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20754044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadamKREMsin/pseuds/MadamKREMsin
Summary: Fandoms collide in a war filled with love, affairs, daddy kinks apparently, and hate.Over soap. Whoever makes the best soap wins.





	SOAP WARS

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my roommate](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+roommate).

> college did this to me.

Once upon a time there was a lonely prince named Rasputin who was sexy as a ll hell like hot dAYUM. In the neighboring swamp was an orgre named Thomas Jefferson. Raspuppuppiton was very lonely so he decided to have a contest. He would marry the man who could do the greatest split known to man. Cause like, of course according to Billy bob my roommate. Who am I you ask? That matters not. 

Thosmas Jerrison heard about this one day, and decided to train to compete. His split was so wide he split his pants spongebob style, summoning bubble bass to laugh at him. SUDDENLY ALEXANDER HAMILTON SHOWED UP TOO AND LAUGHED SO HAR  _ HE _ Split his pants.

“Yum yum” said Mariah Reynolds.

On the other side of the earth at this exact moment was a young woman named Ahiru. She lay in bed at night, softly caressing the warmed metal of her lover, Lampella. 

“Oh Lampella, if only you could hold me dear, my dearest (ANGELICAAAAAA). 

“Someday you will my darling duck. As soon as it finishes.”

“What finishes?

“He finishes”

“Who?”

“The Onceler.”

“What does he finish?”

“His soap.”

And then they went to bed, like a healthy couple. Except for the mild fire hazard of tucking a lamp into your blankets.

“So maybe I’m a bad guy.” The Onceler winked.

“Might seduce your dad guy.” He smirked, running his hand through the lorax’s mustache. He stepped closer, closing the distance with a chaste kiss to his singular eyebrow.

“Onceeeeeeyyy you know you can’t fuck my dad, right?

“Hm?And why not?” His vampire fangs shone in the light. He grazed one across HER neck, mm yum.

“Because my dad has nothing to fuck. He have no butt.” 

“Hm. fine.” He agreed. Suddenly, he bit Karen Mcphee’s neck. The smell of blood drew in another unneeded character. His name is Kaneki Ken, the unofficial magical girl mascot from season 2 of Tokyo Ghoul..

“Karen smells so good. Can I eat her?” He asked.

“No.” The Onceler said, “only I drink her blood.” 

And then they fought.

Suddenly, all around the world was a huge announcement from the space aliens. Like the ones from the simpsons. “YOU MAY ALL PERISH” They said. “UNLESS.”

“Unless what??!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!” Our cast chorused together. Except for Kaneki, he actually lost for once. Rip. HE’S PASSED TF OUT.

“MY MOTHER IN LAW IS REALLY SWEATY. KINDA SMELLS LIKE A BEAR. I NEED SOAP. THE BEST SOAP. THE COUPLE WITH THE BEST SOAP SHALL SURVIVE.”

“Oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” thEY SAY ALL. 

**Author's Note:**

> y u m


End file.
